super bitch.

I’m a forced to be reckoned with today.

*FYI, my dear friend Kathleen and her family use the letter “z” to replace the four lettered offensive F word. They do it because they are polite and nice and the ladies act like ladies (most of the time) instead of like me: a drunken offensive sailor dropping f bombs like I’m being paid to do it. I have begun practicing using Z instead. Example of use in speech: “That z-ing car cut me off!!!! I hate their z-ing guts and I hope they go home to watch their favorite show that they have been waiting all z-ing day to watch and the z-ing thing keeps z-ing buffering!!!! HAHA!!!! Z YOU!”

^^See. They totally don't look like they use the F word.

And now I’m going to go on an epic, (probably useless) rant. But I need to do the equivalent of screaming before one of my dear, innocent friends gets some random shit that has nothing to do with them. Warning: many capital letters to come.

And in all seriousness my mood has nothing to do with ANYONE! It’s just one of those CATDAMN DAYS.

People say you can wake up on the wrong side of the bed…but I get out on the same side every day, and I’m not ALWAYS a big bitch. (You wouldn’t dare contest me on that now would you? NOT ON THIS DAY!) Anyways, I have to say it probably has to do with the fact that there is CONSTRUCTION going on in the building next to us.

FYI Next to you in Amsterdam means ON TOP OF YOU. Every wall touches every building. Nothing is freestanding. Except for God (churches) and Royalty (palace.) Otherwise you better be ready to get z-ing up close and PERSONAL, GUYS! Which anyone that knows me knows that that doesn’t exactly FLY WITH ME.

i.e if someone even THINKS OF COMING CLOSE TO ME in the department store or the grocery store I WILL END YOU!!!!!! I will end you! I will do that terribly awkward thing where I speak out loud to you but not TO YOU.

“Could this person stand closer to me” I say, snide tone, to a friend nearby, or, quite frankly, the air itself. I think half the time I am hoping to provoke them because when I am in THIS MOOD someone is gonna GET IT AND I DON’T CARE WHO IT IS!

This rational idea might have to do with a few notable arguments I have gotten in with strangers.

1. Random guy overhears me say something NOT TO HIM at a bar in San Francisco during a football game, and RUDELY COMMENTS.  “I’m sitting at this table, you’re sitting at that one. Bye.”

2. Douchey guy stares at our boarding passes in Cancun while we wait to fly home. He is a psycho that doesn’t want you standing near the line if they aren’t boarding your letter when his is, of course, before yours. “They aren’t boarding B yet.” “Wow, THANK YOU, officer! We are so lucky to have an air marshall on this flight.”

Like. Those aren’t even funny. They are just snide and condescending. But I take issue with people not MINDING THEIR OWN BUSINESS when they are IDIOTS!

Wow. Today is a serious episode of super bitch.

I got off topic. Anyways, the place next to us, we basically share a wall, so when there is CONSTRUCTION STARTING AT 5 AM, aka a catdamn JACKHAMMER, it is essentially IN our ears.

Periodic jackhammering. No pattern, really, just whenever they appear to z-ing feel like it.

Oh and by the way YESTERDAY I was sick. There’s been a freaking stomach/other terrible things….bug going around that has been taking us out one by one. I didn’t even leave my bed yesterday. I had to force feed myself food, which didn’t take away my cloudy head, shaky feeling, and it was that kind of ill where you don’t even feel like watching TV. I, Taylor Garrett, didn’t even feel like watching TV. I was sick.

So, anyways, I NEEDED this sleep. Long story short: I didn’t have the best wakeup. JACKHAMMERS.

To the point where when Dani finally came down to shower, she looked like she had the same kind of night sleep as I did. Then, as I got ready for work I heard her scream from the shower. “THE Z-ING JACKHAMMER! I FEEL LIKE IT IS INSIDE OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!”

We are disasters.

Then when we went downstairs and saw the culprits, the construction men (just doing their job…I guess…ugh…) neither of us made eye contact with them.

I couldn’t guarantee that I wasn’t going to turn him to stone.

Anyways, I get to work and the ideas, once again, are just not flowing for this one brief. This brief is my goddamn arch nemesis. The problem with being a creative is that when the ideas aren’t coming…they just aren’t coming. And they aren’t going to when YOU want them to. They will come when THEY want to. That’s why we get ping pong tables and shit…so we can do other things while our minds wait for the genius idea. But it’s a very helpless and frustrating feeling when you just can’t come up with a single thing. Feels almost painful, to be honest.

P.s I suck at ping pong so I don’t play because things I suck at suck because 2^nd place is first loser.

Anyways. That was not a good way to start, and now I can feel my bitchiness like a z-ing COLD taking OVER MY BODY.

And then I went upstairs to hear Dani’s partners exclaim that she has “been acting different. What is your problem? Why are you being so angry?”

Bitch crew.

Then I went on a rant about how I hate dogs. (….??? This is actually not true, like, at all.) But all it takes is for one dog to emit a shrill bark in a super bitch’s ear. Then I bitched, aggressively, about like 3 other seemingly irrelevant things.

Then I’ll go on Facebook and ignite old reasons to dislike someone. I dare someone to put up an annoying status today!!!!! I DARE YOU!!! I also can’t define annoying but if it annoys me I’LL PROBABLY UNFRIEND YOU!!!

Jackhammers. Lack of ideas. General tired-ness. I don’t know. But I need to SNAP THE Z OUT OF IT. Right now.

Because just because I am having a psycho bitch attack doesn’t mean anyone that happens to fall in my path should be incinerated. But this is also a warning to not do that thing that annoys me that you know annoys me because while I am usually a smiley little cackling thing…I am rocking a serious blank face and any cackling I do will be 100%, undisputed, pure evil.

So, in the end, I NEED A Z-ING GLASS OF WINE AND I NEEDED IT Z-ING YESTERDAY.

This too shall pass.

Until then,

xo (kind of. not sure if I’m there yet today) tay