karmageddon.

We did a campaign here for a back to school type thing targeting the Dutch youth. The more research I did on them the more I realized that I might be a 12-year-old Dutch girl. (If you haven’t seen Never Say Never you have absolutely no right to shit on Bieber! The kid is a PRODIGY! He taught himself to play those instruments himself when he was like 5 and OMG you are so mean and ignorant just watch the movie, GOD!)

Anyways, while researching we found a list of cool new words that the youth these days are using. All kinds of weird mashups and abbreviations of normal words. One of them being:

Karmageddon.

After more research right now I’m finding the word existing much before now and a bunch of very odd google images. For instance:

............jealous.............

(comments like this got me here.)

Whatever. So the idea behind it is when all of your bad karma catches up to you in a total shitstorm explosion everything in your life sucks holy z this is the end of all days way.

SO YAH IT HAPPENED TO ME!

The thinking behind periodic shit talking: if you do it sparingly, like a random burst here and there, karma doesn’t connect all of it and you kind of get off scot free.

OR SO I THOUGHT

As you all know from my last entry, I went on a z-ing rampage. After I ended that I felt better but then I was annoyed by various things:

1. THAT PERSON on Facebook that has to ruin a post by writing something dumb. The person that just HAS to comment stupid stuff. Like I literally have no idea how to elaborate this because we all have like 5-6 different Facebook friends that are this person and you either know it or you don’t. That’s just it.

2. SLOW WALKERS: Yah no problem why don’t you just jaunt along at slug speed because I have literally nowhere to be and it’s not like 20 degrees outside. Get the z out of my way.

3. PEOPLE DOING THINGS I DON’T LIKE. Stop doing it. I don’t like it.

So yah. Good stuff. Point is it was the worst day ever. So when I got home and was ready to sit down and watch (one of) my favorite show(s) The Bachelor, a day late (will never not be upset about this) and I got that dreaded page:

THE DEVILS WORK!!!!!

So this sent me into another thing I strongly dislike: dealing with technology.

I turned off the router. I turned it back on. I unplugged it. I plugged it back in.

NOTHING WORKED!!!!

And also to make matters worse: I’m living in the Netherlands. My life (my friends, my family, my dog) is in the United States. (Land of the free, home of the brave, if you forgot.) And so, I do not have a Dutch phone. I rely solely on imessage and Facebook to speak to my life. And guess what??? In turn, my life depends on:

THE INTERNET.

So, when the internet stopped working, Dani and I essentially disappeared from planet Earth as we know it. We couldn’t get in contact with our friends here because we couldn’t imessage them. Everything was falling apart.

And thus began our terrible journey with KPN in the Netherlands. I will sum up some of the happenings because it honestly pains me to remember them nevermind detail them.

Attempted to get in touch with our landlord who speaks very rough English and has almost no idea what to do about technology. This has been a nightmare.

Our very nice downstairs neighbor (also now internet-less) was in Malaysia for two weeks for work and therefore we could not get in touch with her. Eventually we touched base with her boyfriend who is also very nice but couldn’t really help us.

Keep in mind we DON’T HAVE A DUTCH PHONES! Dani has a very limited data/text/phone plan that we have slowly been eating into. Oh yah slowly except when we accidently ran it up 200 bucks which we now get to pay yaayyyyyy this is great because I’m rich and not a struggling student at all……………………..which is why I drink 3 dollar wine? 200 bucks isn’t exactly something we have to just make it rain, and everyone knows the bargain shopper I am so yah I’m gonna end this paragraph because the thought of flushing this money down the toilet is inciting a pre-vom type experience in my mouth.

Anyways, so we try to call KPN a few times. Dutch people that don’t speak English talking to Americans. NOT GREAT! No dice there.

When we finally get a guy to come we see that the wire goes into the wall, down the stairs, in 500 different walls, all through everywhere, who z-ing knows. I basically freaked out about this. Since our neighbors weren’t home and the Hempshopper downstairs was closed, we couldn’t figure it out. I pointed out how this whole wire system appeared to be “poor planning” and the Dutch KPN guy informed me that this is how it is here……………(take me home.) I made a plethora of other displeased comments and I’ve been spending a lot of time just genuinely outraged. Customer service here is not good/NON EXISTANT.

Now we’ve been going back and forth with basically our own KPN guy and it has been a freaking disaster ever since. The guy never comes on time, (IF HE DECIDES TO COME.)

Dani and I have been under pretty much house arrest because the windows for the KPN guy to come are essentially the entire day.

On a serious note, it is really, very unnerving to not be reachable to ANYONE. Friends, family, etc. I don’t like the kind of helpless feeling that comes from it: that even in an emergency I would be off of the grid.

Anyways, we spent our days just like looking out the window longingly at the outside world. Once a cat walked by and it was probably the highlight of the day.

THANK GOD THOUGH, Dani, an angel, had a ton of Parks and Recreation episodes on her computer so we did have some semblance of the outside world, but we were going stir crazy. We spent a lot of time sitting in different chairs in the apartment. Staring off into space. Thinking about the meaning of life.

I could have written the next great American novel.

But instead we sat across from each other in weird chairs putting clothespins on our bodies like they were little piercings.

It was grim.

LONG STORY SHORT IT’S BEEN A WEEK AND WE STILL DON’T HAVE THE INTERNET.

It might be because of the construction next door which would just be perfectly perfect and amazing and awesome and great.

So, yah. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. I’m serious. I don’t talk that much shit. I talk a normal amount of shit and a slightly higher amount when I have just been woken up and/or I am hungry.

But really, no more than the average American shit talker.

But, this American shit talker is stuck in the Netherlands with no internet and no twitter to tweet about it on.

Pray for me. Pray for me and all others like me that must live in an internet-less world. It just ain’t right.

Ugh fine.

Don’t.

You should probably be praying for actual real problems.

I’ll just go twiddle my thumbs in another random chair in my apartment and hope I survive this.

Karmageddon is real.

xo tay