if you give a mouse a

NOTHING!! I’m giving it nothing and it better get the hell out of my apartment!!!!! Unless it wants to die and I mean die like slowly for days whichever way is the worst way because get out of my apartment.

So we have a mouse.

Which is better than a ghost, which is what we thought it was originally. Well Dani did and I made the ‘old house, many sounds’ argument and she claimed a baguette essentially flew across the room. (Okay, she said it moved on the table.)

Anyways. Jet lag was a BETCH and I was waking up like 4-6am every day. It was so dumb. So then I’m finally sleeping this night and Dani runs down into my room. Since I was almost dead I don’t recall most of the convo but the gist of it was that Dani, who sleeps in a loft bed over the living room/kitchen area (SO EURO,) heard weird crinkling noises and then when she looked down into the kitchen a supernatural force had moved the bread.

Miraculously she RAN down her ladder and our death spiral stairs and into my bed where we discussed if it was a ghost. Then Dani was convinced she heard footsteps, andddddddd then I remembered the entire American Horror Story season I watched a week earlier and my mind had a field day.

But seriously would it even be fun to haunt us? Like we speak English so if it wanted to say something badass like ‘I’m going to brutally kill you and suck your blood’ or some crap it would be like

“Ik ga op brute wijze te vermoorden u en uw bloed te zuigen”

and I would be like sorry, what? And it would be like ugh stupid American and move on to the next one.

Anyways, eventually the sun rises and I’ve had no sleep and I’m just demon sleepy Taylor and so this ghost thing really wasn’t going to work for me for the rest of the quarter.

So we go upstairs…and we see…’LEAVE AMSTERDAM’ WRITTEN IN BLOOD ALL OVER THE ROOM.

But seriously there was our beloved baguette with pieces of its packaging STREWN EVERYWHERE! Tiny little white pieces of paper and then, a perfect little chunk taken out of it. That little mouse had a freaking FEAST! LITERALLY! The little bastard! THE NERVE! How I did not take a photo of this is beyond me actually seeing as I take pics of things that are much less exciting than this. I think this is a testament to how much of a morning bitch I am.  Just SO COMPLETELY out of character. Right? RIGHT??

Anyways, I located the place where it had pushed through the steel wool blocked hole under the cabinet and I fumed the fire of a thousand fires.

And I will have my revenge.

This mouse is public enemy number 1 right now and I spent my whole day at work figuring out how I should kill it. Trap? Poison? Glue trap? Humane trap? (HAHA NO! Revenge will be had, rodent (VERMIN) lovers…sorry bout it.)

I wanted to buy a trap but then I realized that I could watch the Bachelor here FINALLY (so long after everyone else, terrible) and so I kind of lost the passion to go out and find one so that’s for another day I suppose.

We did stuff some plastic bags in the hole so GOOD LUCK EATING THAT, IDIOT MOUSE.

Anyways, all of our food is in our breadbox now….where I suppose it should have been the whole time…but…I dare that little thing to come face to face with ME!!

….also I’m talking tough but every time I open a cabinet I expect it to fly out at me like some kind of flying squirrel madness and just latch on to my face or something and I picture myself going to the ER and being like a mouse bit me what do I do what disease do I have etc, etc.

Anyways, stay tuned for the next episode of taylor garrett international mouse hunter.

Oh and by the way the other day at the agency there was a dead mouse on the balcony that had been there so long it seems to have…almost…become something else. Obviously I found this fascinating and while EVERYONE was on the balcony I walked out and stared at it for a very long time. Like everyone should have seen me hunched over for a very long time doing this. Shortly after that Pablo accidently stepped on it and it turned into what Matt referred to as “mouse Pâté” and I couldn’t stop laughing about it/I referenced it 6,000 times and still do very often now.

So just think about that. Visualize it. HAHAAHAHAHAH oh my god.

Anyways. Mouse wars. Will let you know.

xo tay