cats in bars.

It’s a thing here.

It’s a thing that happens. Just, normally. It’s normal. A cat in a bar. Just walking around. Chilling hard.

It was super weird at first. So, so weird. Especially like what if you’re allergic???? Isn’t that so bad if you walk into a bar and there’s your like allergy nemesis in a place where it really just shouldn’t be??

Anyways. Katie is allergic. But it didn’t really bother her that much. It also didn’t stop her from making the BarCat perform the drum solo from Phil Collins “In the Air Tonight” as you can THANKFULLY SEE because I took a video of it.

Yes, that is me snorting. Yes, I am beautiful and perfect in that way. Yes, I am single. I don’t see what that has to do with it.

BUT ANYWAYS, I guess the whole story about BarCats is that they catch THE MICE!!!! Which, I guess, when you think about it is pretty legit. I can’t help but kind of still be weirded out because it’s like….an animal…with hair….and it’s a hairy animal in a place where I eat and it’s right next to the grill where you made my burger and am I eating a cat hair?

But…that day was also BEFORE we found out we had A MOUSE!

Or mice. I don’t know. A writer here asked me how big it was and I said pretty small and he said “You probably have a bunch then”

And, despite my best efforts…I cannot unhear that statement.

So yah. The BarCat thing makes sense now and I have literally been trying to locate a Rent-A-Cat or something because if it could eradicate the vermin then I suppose I would let it cuddle on my lap sometimes.

But yah. This is all bringing me to the latest Mouse Hunters update. I attempted to macgyver a trap. ANDDDDD

ROUND ONE GOES TO:

The mouse.

The rival team. The enemy. The Yankees. Any team that isn’t the Patriots. The dark side (for the nerds.)

Point is. I didn’t get the bastard(s.)

THIS TIME.

I was told by the same guy that convinced me I now have 750 mice that I could attempt a homemade trap using only a toilet paper roll, pindakaas (peanut butter,) and…gravity.

You put some PINDAKAAS (like my favorite dutch word ever) at the end of the roll, and you balance the roll on the counter with a trashcan undernearth it. The idea is that the stupid dumb disgusting mouse essentially walks the plank.

We didn’t have a toilet roll…So I ripped up a pizza box and…ta-da:

I used the greasy part because I thought that would be even more tempting.

I WAS PSYCHED! Like so psyched. I went to bed like it was Christmas Eve. When I woke up, Dani informed me that her brother (who is visiting) thought he heard two PLUNKS INTO THE TRASH. Aka two little evil mice soon to be dead. I was ecstatic.

WELL DANI AND HER BROTHER ARE LIARS!!!!

Also they are twins so it's totally possibly they could lie together without even deciding that but just twinning it, you know?

Exhibit A: 

Liar!

About the mice part.

The genius part is true.

Ugh. Anyways…they aren’t liars. They truly believed it had happened and…all of the evidence was there!! The pizza box pindakaas was in trash and I was so so excited. But, when I lifted the bag out, we saw nothing. Heard nothing. We were all incredibly disappointed.

So, either it could have fallen over by itself…ORRRR it fell over and the freaking psycho mouse like 1. Flew across the room or 2. Fell conveniently to the left or right of the trash can.

If 1: We’re screwed. Like actually. Flying mice.

If 2: I hope that stupid little thing has head trauma or something.

So…yah. Defeat…FOR NOW!

The guy at the office is going to lend me his REUSABLE trap that apparently catches them every time and breaks their little necks and it’s a ‘clean kill.’

I literally cannot wait. Wish me luck.

Die vermin, die.

xo tay