And other reasons I’m happy to be back in America.
(reuniting with the pup)
As I sit in the kitchen of my house drinking an iced coffee
I’ve been thinking a lot about my travels-what I learned, what I experienced,
and…why I’m really happy to be back in the good old U S of A.
Now DO NOT GET ME WRONG. I had the most incredible time of
my life on this trip. I lived in AMSTERDAM. Like, what? Since I didn’t travel
during my undergrad…this was kind of my second chance to do the abroad
thing…and I am so happy I did.
The Dutch were incredibly nice…and I really learned to
appreciate Amsterdam as a fun and friendly city. But there were a couple things
I just could not get down with in the end. This is all of Europe in general,
not just my little home in The Netherlands.
1. Iced coffee
An anomaly, a rare beast literally
impossible to find in Europe. At least everywhere I visited (Netherlands, Belgium,
France, Ireland, Italy.) I searched for it in every location to NO AVAIL! Not
even at McDonalds (aka the American Embassy.)
Needless to say I cannot live without iced coffee and if I
had a euro for every time someone gave me an absurd look when I asked about it
I would have many euros.
2. Portions
PORTIONS! In Amsterdam there is for sure no
such thing as Costco or BJs. At Albert Heijn, the grocery store…they were
trying to make me skinny. THEY TRIED!!!! (They failed. I always find my way
around these things)
A pack of oreos is 16. SIXTEEN!!! That’s a SLEEVE of oreos
here! You can’t even buy them that small! Jumbo size America!! I have a lot of
evidence for this but it honestly does more damage than it’s worth because why
am I bragging that we get more food in America. That’s kind of
why…well….definitely why….nope absolutely why the US has an obesity issue.
So in all seriousness the portion thing was good for me if I
would have just accepted it but it didn’t help that I couldn’t read anything so
it was going to take me a very long time to get used to it and I swear to God
there was an entire aisle of just various types of mush in the grocery store.
So complaining about portions actually made me realize the
actual portions that our bodies need. It’s for sure not as much as we get in
the US and it could really help us all if we would just realize that and eat
accordingly.
…whatever though.
3. Language barriers
I did so many smiles and nods and awkward ‘what?’ and weird
creepy laughs that I kind of don’t know who I am anymore and feel like I’m the
weird annoying character (a la Zooey Deschanel on new girl) in the sitcom of my
life. (p.s I love that show just making a pop culture reference that would make
sense here)
4. CVS
CVS!!!! Walgreens. Rite Aid. Etc.
I will never take these places for granted again. Nor will I
take the mere idea of convenience. One week we all got sick like I need Nyquil
And Dayquil sick and there was no CVS type thing to go to and get your fix. My
poor friends had to find some kind of pharmacy-TYPE thing and get like 50
different things that do what Dayquil does in one gulp.
I love convenience.
5. Plugs
I literally had to change the type of plug I used with each
place I went to. Not to mention adapters, which I still don’t know the
difference between, all I know if that my straightener is broken and it’s because
I used to wrong one and that sucks so much and yah I guess everyone has their
right to their own plug but like come on guys.
6. Customer Service
Literally doesn’t exist. Why aren’t you, [company] scared of
me giving you a bad yelp review? WHY AREN’T YOU SCARED OF MY STRONGLY WORDED
LETTER!?!!? Why aren’t you scared about me tweeting and facebooking and phone
calling about this!?!?!?!?! You aren’t. And so everything sucks and I hate you
and I hate it all.
Yes I’m looking at you KPN and most restaurants.
7. Hulu and Netflix
You are god amongst websites. I love you and I missed you
except I found my way around the rules on this one so I didn’t miss you and
that’s because if I had to miss you I would have gotten back on the plane.
8. Dunkin Donuts, Five Guys, Wendy’s, etc.
I feel like this doesn’t need explanation?
9. Mayonnaise.
I don’t get it guys. I really don’t get it. Why is it on
everything? Why is everything dipped in it? I’m not gonna lie...I did it. I did
it a good amount but now I’m happy to say the mayo is back in the back of my fridge
where it belongs only to be used on BLTS and sparingly in tuna.
10. My Cell Phone
I couldn’t be on the phone at the grocery store and I
couldn’t translate things and I couldn’t tweet and I couldn’t freely instagram
and if I can’t do any of those things then I just don’t really understand what
I am supposed to do?
11. Time Zones
I spent 6 hours waiting for my friends to wake up and then
we had about 6 hours to tell each other everything we had done because I need to
know everything my friends ate and watched and said and laughed at and by the
time I was about to go to sleep they were all ready to chat and I was like I
gotta sleep tell me tomorrow and then the cycle started all over again.
12. TV
Everything happened and I had to wait to watch it unless I
wanted to watched it at 4 in the morning which I didn’t and then I had to hide
from social media so I didn’t find out what happened (Bachelor) and that was
hard for me. By the way I was pissed about the Bachelor and if anyone is
wondering I now hate Sean Lowe.
13. Wet Rooms
Not a fan, never will be a fan.
14. Toilets
Okay this is going to be weird but I have to say this…there
are some toilets that legit have a poop shelf. Like you poop (if you do that
because I’m a girl so I don’t so I don’t do anything gross ever I am dainty and
beautiful and stuff) so if you were to poop though it like actually just
keeps it there. Keeps it right there. Like a little poop museum exhibit and
when you flush it goes away and I just don’t (hypothetically) see the point in
that because poop is gross and why would that happen ever.
15. Paying to piss
This was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was in
Rome, lost in the subway and I had to take what I like to call a ‘precautionary
piss,’ meaning that I am going to go because I kind of need to but not really
bad but I should do it because I don’t know when I will get to again.
So as I walked to the bathroom I saw little things that were like you
were going into the metro where you would put a card…but it wasn’t a card! IT
WANTED EUROS! A FULL EURO!!!!!!!
My precautionary piss was equal to 10 cents at the MOST.
I almost self-destructed. See, this was an issue I saw all
over Europe and it was just NOT FAIR AT ALL.
EVERYWHERE MADE ME PAY TO PISS.
Like, including bars. INCLUDING BARS! Like, I’m already
paying you a million euros so I can get drunk and then you want me to pay you
to take a piss?? REALLY?? Because what’s the test here? Do you think I won’t
pee my pants? Do you think I won’t????????
Fine I won’t because that’s gross and also it’s cold outside
so that would be the worst but like?? What if it’s an emergency and I don’t
have ANY CHANGE and I run downstairs after dancing up a storm and would you
refuse me?
Because I would piss on the floor. I would do that to make a
point if it didn’t mean I would be arrested and I’ve seen enough episodes of
locked up abroad to know I would not fare well.
Not to mention I really doubt those jails would have iced
coffee.
Long story short-I’m such an American girl. I really am. I’m
so happy to be home…but I also wouldn’t trade my abroad experience for the
world. I had such an incredible time trying all of these new things and
making so many new memories with some really great friends….but when it comes
to convenience and plugs and peeing and toilets….I know where I belong.
Land of the Free and Home of the
(xo) tay.
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